Testing Times

This post is going to try and wrap up the whole perfection, self esteem, am I on the right road threads that have meandered through this blog.

I have a tendency to test myself and I do it in all the elements of my life except one. Some of that testing is borne out of the idea of unspecified perfection, how far can I push something. What is the boundary of good/perfection if it is not measured in percentage terms. How far can I let something go and still rescue it with my integrity intact or enhanced? Or how far can I push something and possibly self destruct what I am – manifesting the self esteem element and negative wish fulfilment. Part of it is a sheer challenge, for an upcoming exhibition I chose a subject area I had not researched and threw in a new technique for good measure. I am not a physical adrenaline junkie eg throwing yourself off a cliff in a wing suit or bungee jumping. I am a cognitive adrenaline junkie – testing my cognitive capability to it’s limit and possibly beyond. Research shows that in many mental health issues there are large elements of risk taking and testing observed. Some seeking to enhance and some to destroy.

However, moving this forward, the latest research in both physical and mental health is around promoting positive risk behaviour. So it will be interesting to see where that will lead. Although I can guess that it will be left to the Third Sector and private clinics/companies to really work with it. As we look at developing positive behaviour support plans you can see that this could be a way to move forward with risk taking. That would require a much broader outlook on how we treat mental health than we currently adopt in our health system. If it was followed through to develop a mental well being and a preventative or early recognition strategy that would save millions of lost work days. Save the NHS millions of pounds. But more importantly it would prevent distress and pain for millions of people, their family and friends and ultimately begin to reduce the rate of suicide in this country.

Day 29 – 25 mins

An absent minded run – the intention was to take the car and park on the Brigsteer Rd and run up the scar but I find myself on the Underbarrow Rd. So I park at the transmitter and go up the scar from there. I look north as I get to the top with a faint glint of orange back lighting the Kentmere fells. It would make a nice photo but out of the range of my camera phone. So I head to the mushroom and then the trig point and push on to the path that crosses the scar from east to west – I look round for a photo opportunity and spot a lone tree with some interesting cloud and a slight hint of pale orange. Picture taken  I begin to head back, I have a slight nagging feeling in my head and after 3/4 minutes I realise what it is. I’ve left my phone cover at the tree. I turn round back to the tree, pick up the cover, check that I have everything this time and return back to the car. 2 days to go.

Lone Tree – Scout Scar